Things I hear everyday.

Ok, I get to hear at least one of these a day, usually 2-3, and on a really great day most, and when the planets align all of them.

“Are you in your office?” - after answering my desk phone.

“Quick question.” - inevitable followed about something involving their home computer.

“Are you busy?” - sitting with someone working on something or elbows deep working on a machine.

“Have you had a chance to look at my computer?” - followed by "No, did you leave me a voice mail or email about what was wrong - followed by "No, do I need to?"
(Mentally, "no I really am a mind reader and I am just f'ing with you." Spoken "Well, it would help, but since you're here what seems to be wrong?"

“Hey, I got locked out of SAP and it told me to email Laurie somebody a request to reset my account, can you do that for me?” - "What, send the email or reset your account?” - “Reset my account.” – “No, you will have to email Laurie.” – “Oh, well can you send the email?”

“Can you fix ______” (fill in the blank with any electronic item you might find around your house that is not a computer, including but not limited to cell phones, digital cameras, LCD TV's, DVD players, MP3 players, etc. - "I guess it doesn't work and it is out of warranty?" - "Yes." - "Yea I'll give it a shot for $20.00, no guarantee though." Surprisingly, I make $100.00 a month on average to throw people’s broken crap away for them.

“Hey did you get the message I left you?” – as I am unlocking my office first thing in the morning.

“Have you ever used _______?” – fill in the blank with any obscure software unknown to most of mankind.

“Do I need to renew my anti-virus/spyware subscription?” – “Only if you want to keep your computer running.”

And my all time favorite…

“Do you know anything about computers?” – “No, they just pay me to sit in this room and make sure the computers in here don’t assemble themselves into a killer robot.”