Thug life

Sorry, Can't remember who sent this in.



Top 10 reasons why there are no Thugs in NASCAR:

# 10 - Have to sit upright while driving.

# 9 - Pistol won't stay under front seat.

# 8 - Engine noise drowns out the rap music.

# 7 - Pit crew can't work on car while holding up
pants at the same time.

# 6 - They keep trying to carjack Dale JR.

# 5 - Police cars on track interfere with race.

# 4 - No passenger seat for the Ho.

# 3 - No Cadillac's approved for competition.

# 2 - Can't wear helmet sideways.

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY THUGS CAN'T BE IN
NASCAR...

# 1 - When they crash their cars, they bail out and
run.



Fenix

Dirty Dirty

Ahhh, how true this is

Fenix

Sorry

Bedtime Prayer

Womans Prayer

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

Man's Prayer

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a game store and a Dunkin Donuts. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit


Fenix

Summary of my last year online

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the
glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every
envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same
reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car
so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave
anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually
Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda ,
Singapore , and Uzbekistan .

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my
free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when
it bites my butt.

Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us.. I can
live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in
the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester
waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

Oh, and don't forget this one either! I can no longer drive my car
because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM
this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

Have a wonderful day....

A South American scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has
discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read
their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late


Fenix

Aries Spears gets Nice

Comedian from MadTv, Aries Spears, is on some radio talkshow where he shows off his talent for impersonating rappers.

Damn he's good

Fenix

Frozen Beer

Just thought I'd pass this on. Now I KNOW some of you will try this, so please feel free to use the comments section to let us know how it worked.






Fenix

Say it isn't so

Wanted to dedicate this one to Petal. Who unfortunatly cannot get online right now because of all the snow.

Being snowed isn't that bad unless THIS happens

Fenix

Wii accidents running wild

When will Nintendo stop the insanity!

It's just not safe

Fenix

Top 10 times in history when the "F" word was appropriate

‘Top Ten Times In History when using the "F" word was appropriate:’
10) "What the *&%# was that?" -Mayor of Hiroshima

9) "Where did all these *&%#ing Indians come from?" -Custer

8) "Any *&%#ing idiot could understand that." -Einstein

7) "It does SO *&%#ing look like her!" -Picasso

6) "How the *&%# did you work that out?" -Pythagorus

5) "You want WHAT on the *&%#ing ceiling?" -Michaelangelo

4) "I don't suppose it's gonna *&%#ing rain." -Joan of Arc

3) "Scattered *&%#ing showers...my @ss!" -Noah

2) "I need this parade like I need a *&%#ing hole in my head!" -JFK

And the Number One Time...

1) Ah, come on. Who the *&%#s gonna find out? - Bill Clinton


Fenix

Drug effects on spiders

Redneck timeout

This is what happens when parents have time off for the holidays and kids have time off from school and daycare.

Fenix

2007

Welcome back everyone!!

I hope all of the flock had a safe and happy holiday. Let's start off the year with some simple New Years Resolutions.

Phoohy. I hate them. Everyone does the same ones, quit smoking, get in shape, clean out *blank*, drink less, etc etc etc.

How about we make more attainable goals. I'll start. :)

Fenix New Years Resolutions

1. I'm going to breath more

2. I'm going to yell at the children less by being at home less.

3. I will be nicer to RealCrazy (maybe)

4. Really, really try to stay awake while racing online.

5. I will get a coffee every morning from Dunkin Donuts.

See, not so hard. 5 easy resolutions that you can finish quickly with little effort and then feel great for the rest of the year while those that chose to can go sweat or starve themselves into submission.

Fenix