Too Funny

Old guy at the ATM, to no one in particular: I’m so horny the crack of dawn is nervous.

Fenix

Old but still funny

Did Martha Stewart say this?

Dog owner: I used to have a Rottweiler too, but he died. They don't have very long lifespans.
Coworker: That's because they are fueled by liquid hate and the fingers of small children.

Navy Yard
Washington, DC

Is my brother the pilot?

Flight attendant, over loudspeaker: We will now be dimming the lights for the remainder of the flight.
(Lights dim)
Flight attendant, in deep, sexy voice: Are you in the mood to fly now? I thought so...

Southwest Airlines Flight
Austin, Texas

Best Peer Advisor Ever

Curious friend: Doesn't your mouth get tired?
Small Asian girl: That's what my hands are for!
Curious friend: Don't your arms get tired?!
Small Asian girl: That's what my mouth is for!
Curious friend: What do you do when both get tired?
Small Asian girl: Oh, that's when he puts it in my butt.

Hoboken, New Jersey


Fenix